Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
