I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
