sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
