Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
