this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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