I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
