and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
