also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
