At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
