I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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