I hate all girls vehemently.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
