I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
