i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Welp...herpes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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