theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
