8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
