just survived the first fart of the relationship.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
