I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
