y did u give ur computer a hand job?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
