I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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