We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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