C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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