I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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