That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
