Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
