dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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