i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
