At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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