I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
