If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
