I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
