you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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