I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You made out with two different species that night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
