Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
