i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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