I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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