just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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