What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
