Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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