There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
