you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
