No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
