i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
