he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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