I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
