Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
