Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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