I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
