the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
