Are we in a gay sports bar?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
