if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
