yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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