HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
